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【题目】在现代社会中,电脑给人们的生活、学习和工作各个方面带来了极大的便利,但是同时也带来了很大的负面影响;①削弱想象力和创造力,②降低书写、拼写和阅读技能,③电脑辐射(radiation)对人体有害。

请你以“Negative Effects of Computer”为题写一篇英语短文。注意:①词数100左右,②文中不得透漏个人姓名和学校名称。

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【答案】Negative Effects of Computer

Nowadays, with the rapid development of modern science and technology, the computer has become more and more important to us. There is no doubt that it has brought us a lot of convenience in our work and life.

However, every coin has two sides. The negative effects of using computers are also obvious. The computer is not only weakening our imagination and creativity, but it is also damaging our spelling and reading abilities. Besides, the computer radiation is doing harm to our health.

Therefore, we should use the computer properly. If we can do without the computer, it is suggested that we should try to avoid in front of the computer.

【解析】1、审题:审题是做到切题的第一步。所谓审题就是要看清题意,确定文章的中心思想、主题,并围绕中心思想组织材料。比如本作文的中心思想是电脑的负面影响。

以下的写作都要围绕这个中心思想组织材料。

2、进行构思,列出简单的提纲,打造文章之骨架:审好题、立好意后,就要写提纲,打造文章的骨架。文章布局要做好几件事:安排好层次段落,铺设好过渡,处理好开头和结尾。本作文的简单提纲就是:①电脑给人们的生活、学习和工作带来的便利;②电脑的危害,就是题文所给的三点危害;③总结全文,指出人们应该善用电脑。

3、用好连接词,注意段落间、句子间的连贯性。要做到所写文章层次分明,思路清晰,文字连贯,就需要在句与句之间、段与段之间架起一座座桥梁,而连接词起的正是桥梁作用。

在扩展的过程中要注意:

1)在整篇文章中,避免只是用一两个句式或重复用同一词语。英语中存在着极为丰富的同义词,准确地使用同义词可以给读者清新的感觉。同时要灵活运用各种句式,如倒装句、强调句、省略句、主从复合句、对比句、分词短语、介词短语等,从而增加文章的可读性

2)使用不同长度的句子。通过分句和合句,增强句子的连贯性和表现力。

3)学会使用过渡词。

(1) 递进furthermore,moreover,besides,in addition,then,et

(2) 转折however,but,nevertheless,afterwards,etc

(3) 总结finally,at last,in brief,to conclude,etc

(4) 强调really,indeed,certainly,surely,above a11,etc

(5) 对比in the same way,just as,on the other hand,etc

【亮点】

本篇作文层次分明,过渡自然。结构完整,句子连贯。使用了复杂句,并列句,同位语从句及其他的固定句式,增强了句子的连续性和表现力。使用了一些过渡词让文章一气呵成。文章中使用了一些固定的短语及句式,使文章更加生动。

同位语从句:There is no doubt that it has brought us a lot of convenience in our work and life.

并列句:The computer is not only weakening our imagination and creativity, but it is also damaging our spelling and reading abilities.

复杂句:If we can do without the computer, it is suggested that we should try to avoid in front of the computer

使用固定句式:every coin has two sides.

the computer has become more and more important to us.

固定的词组:with the rapid development of modern science and technology;do harm to。

使用一些连词。如However,…Besides, …Therefore,…。

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