If you want to teach your children how to
say sorry, you must be good at saying it yourself, especially to your own
children. But how you say it can be quite tricky. If you say to your
children "I'm sorry I got angry with you, but …" what follows that
"but" can make the apology ineffective: "I had a bad day"
or "your noise was giving me a headache " leaves the person who has
been injured feeling that he should be apologizing for his bad behavior in
expecting an apology.
Another method by which people appear to
apologize without actually doing so is to say "I'm sorry you're
upset"; this suggests that you are somehow at fault for allowing yourself
to get upset by what the other person has done.
Then there is the general, all covering
apology, which avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that was
particularly hurtful or insulting, and which the person who is apologizing
should promise never to do again. Saying "I'm useless as a parent"
does not commit a person to any specific improvement.
These pseudo(假的)-apologies are used by people who believe saying
sorry shows weakness. Parents who wish to teach their children to apologize
should see it as a sign of strength, and therefore not resort to these
pseudo-apologies.
But even when presented with examples of
contrition（悔悟）,
children still need help to become aware of the complexities of saying sorry. A
three-year-old boy might need help in understanding that other children feel
pain just as he does, and that hitting a playmate over the head with a heavy
toy requires an apology. A six-year-old boy might need reminding that spoiling
other children's expectations can require an apology. A 12-year-old might need
to be shown that taking the biscuit tin without asking permission is
acceptable, but that borrowing a parent's clothes without permission is not.
1. If a mother adds "but" to an
apology, _______.
A. she doesn't feel that she should have
apologized
B. she does not realize that the child has
been hurt
C. the child may find the apology easier to
accept
D. the child may feel that he owes her an
apology
2. According to the author, saying
"I'm sorry you're upset" most probably means "_______".
A. You have good reason to get upset
B. I'm aware you're upset, but I'm not to
blame
C. I apologize for hurting your feelings
D. I'm at fault for making you upset
3. It is not advisable to use the general,
all-covering apology because _______.
A. it gets one into the habit of making
empty promises
B. it may make the other person feel guilty
C. it is vague and ineffective
D. it is hurtful and insulting
4. We learn from the last paragraph that in
teaching children to say sorry _______.
A. the complexities involved should be
ignored
B. their ages should be taken into thinking
C. parents need to set them a good example
D. parents should be patient and tolerant
5. It can be inferred from the passage that
apologizing properly is _______.
A. a social issue calling for immediate
attention B. not necessary among family members
C. a sign of social
progress
D. not as simple as it seems
