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　　A friend of mine, in response to a conversation we were having about the injustices of life, asked me the question, “Who said life was going to be fair, or that it was even meant to be fair?” Her question was a good one．It reminded me of something I was taught as a youngster：Life isn’t fair．It’s disappointing, but it’s absolutely true．One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be．It’s not and it won’t．

　　One of the nice things about surrendering(屈从)to the fact that life isn’t fair is that it keeps us from feeling sorry for ourselves by encouraging us to do the very best we can with what we have．We know it’s not “life’s job” to make everything perfect, it’s our own challenge．Surrendering to this fact also keeps us from feeling sorry for others because we are reminded that everyone is dealt a different hand; everyone has unique strengths and problems in the process of growing up, facing the reality and making decisions; and everyone has those times that they feel victimized or unfairly treated．

　　The fact that life isn’t fair doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do everything in our power to improve our own lives or the world as a whole．To the contrary, it suggests that we should．When we don’t recognize or admit that life isn’t fair, we tend to feel pity for others and for ourselves．Pity, of course, is a self-defeating emotion that does nothing for anyone, except to make everyone feel worse than they already do．When we do recognize that life isn’t fair, however, we feel compassion(热情)for others and for ourselves．And compassion is a heartfelt emotion that delivers loving-kindness to everyone it touches．The next time you find yourself thinking about the injustices of the world, try reminding yourself of this very basic fact．You may be surprised that it can persuade you out of self-pity and into helpful action．

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　　“Opinion” is a word that is used carelessly today．It is used to refer to matters of taste, belief, and judgment．This inaccurate use would probably cause little confusion if people didn’t attach too much importance to opinion．Unfortunately, most attach great importance to it．“I have as much right to my opinion as you to yours,’’ and ‘‘Everyone’s entitled to his opinion,’’ are common expressions．In fact, anyone who would challenge another’s opinion is likely to be branded intolerant．

　　Is that label accurate? Is it intolerant to challenge another’s opinion? It depends on what definition of opinion you have in mind．For example, you may ask a friend ‘‘What do you think of the new Ford cars?” And he may reply, “In my opinion, they’re ugly．” In this case, it would not only be intolerant to challenge his statement, but foolish．For it’s obvious that by opinion he means his personal preference, a matter of taste．And as the old saying goes, ‘‘It’s pointless to argue about matters of taste．

　　But consider this very different use of the term．A newspaper reports that the Supreme Court has delivered its opinion in a controversial(有争议的)case．Obviously the justices did not share their personal preferences, their mere likes and dislikes．They stated their considered judgment, painstakingly arrived at after thorough inquiry and deliberation(审议)．

　　Most of what is referred to as opinion falls somewhere between these two extremes．It is not an expression of taste．Nor is it careful judgment．Yet it may contain elements of both．It is a view or belief more or less inaccurately arrived at, with or without examining the evidence．

　　Is everyone entitled to his opinion? Of course, this is not only permitted, but guaranteed．We are free to act on our opinions only so long as, in doing so, we do not harm others．

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　　Healthy knees aren’t the main consideration in choosing high heels, but new research says chunky heels are just as bad for the knees as spindly stilettos(细高跟鞋)．“It takes a long time to feel the effects of knee osteoarthritis(骨关节炎)－and once you do, it is too late,” said Dr．Casey Kerrigan, leading researcher of the study and associate professor at Harvard Medical School’s department of physical medicine．“I compare it to smoking－one cigarette is not painful, but over a lifetime it is．Wide-heeled shoes feel comfortable, so women wear them all day long, “Kerrigan said．“They are better for your feet than stiletto heels, but just as bad for your knees．”

　　In the study, researchers had twenty women wear two pairs of shoes with three-inch heels, one with a narrow heel and the other with a thick one．The scientists compared how much pressure was put on the women’s knees by both types of shoes．The women also walked barefoot to test normal pressure．The scientists found that both types of shoes applied equal amounts of pressure to the knees．Compared with walking barefoot, the heels increased pressure on the inside of the knee by 26 percent．Increased pressure on the knee eventually leads to arthritis(关节炎), experts say．

　　The idea that high heels are bad for your health isn’t new－scientists have warned women for years that they contribute to problems ranging from corns to hammer toes, tendonitis, knee pain, sprained(扭伤)ankles and back problems．But in 1998, Kerdgan and a team of Harvard researchers were the first to link high heels and knee osteoarthritis, a painful joint disease that destroys cartilage(软骨)surrounding the knee．The first study looked only at stiletto heels, and Kerrigan said she wanted to study the chunky high-heeled shoes she noticed many women wearing．“This study confirms what we all intuitively(直觉地)know that high-heeled shoes of any kind are not good for our health,” said Dr．Glenn Pfeifer, a San Francisco doctor and member of the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons who was not connected to the study．

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　　Some children are natural-born bosses．They have a strong need to make decisions, manage their environment, and lead rather than follow．Stephen Jackson, a Year One student, “operates under the theory of what’s mine and what’s yours is mine,” says his mother．“The other day I bought two new Star Wars light sabers(剑)．Later, I saw Stephen with the two new ones while his brother was using the beat-up ones．”

　　“Examine the extended family, and you’ll probably find a bossy grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin in every generation．It’s an inheritable trait,” says Russell Barkley, a professor at the Medical University of South Carolina．Other children who may not be particularly bossy can gradually gain dominance(支配地位)when they sense their parents are weak, hesitant, or in disagreement with each other．

　　Whether it’s inborn nature or developed character at work, too much control in the hands of the young isn’t healthy for children or the family．Fear is at the root of a lot bossy behavior, says family psychologist John Taylor．Children, he says in his book From Defiance to Cooperation, “have secret feelings of weakness” and “a desire to feel safe．” It’s the parents’ role to provide that protection．

　　When a “boss child” doesn’t learn limits at home, the stage is set for a host of troubles outside the family．The overly willful and unbending child may have trouble obeying teachers or coachers, for example, or trouble keeping friends．It can be pretty lonely as the top dog if no one likes your bossy ways．

　　“I see more and more parents giving up their power,” says Barkley, who has studied bossy behavior for more than 30 years．They bend too far because they don’t want to be as strict as their own parents were．But they also feel less confident about their parenting skills．Their kids, in turn, feel more anxious．

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　　I had an experience once which taught me something about the ways people made a bad situation worse by blaming themselves．One January, I officiated(主持)at two funerals for two elderly women．Both died a natural death．At the first home, the son of the deceased(已故)woman said, “If only I had sent my mother to Florida and gotten her out of this cold and snow, she would be alive today．It's my fault that she died．” At the second home, the son said, “If only I had not insisted her going to Florida, she would be alive today．That long airplane ride was more than she could take．It is my fault．”

　　When things don't turn out as we would like them to, we tend to assume that had we done things differently, the story would have had a happier ending．Any time there is a death, the survivors will feel guilty．Because the course of action they took turned out bad, they believe that the opposite course, for example, keeping mother at home, would have turned out better．After all, how could it have turned out any worse?

　　There seem to be elements involved in our readiness to feel guilty．The first lies in our belief that the world makes sense－there is a reason for everything that happens．

　　The second is the thought that we are the cause of what happens, especially the bad things that happen．The roots of this feeling may lie in our childhood．A baby comes to think that the world exists to meet his needs, and that he makes everything happen in it．He wakes up in the morning and calls the rest of the world to its tasks．He cries, and someone comes to attend to him．When he is hungry, people feed him, and when he is wet, people change him．Very often, we do not completely abandon that childish thought that our wishes cause things to happen．

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　　It is not unusual at all for teens to answer their parents with one-word answers．“Where are you going?”“Places．”“When will you be back?”“Sometime．”“Who will you be with?”“People．”

　　That means that the days of your children bounding(跳跃着跑)in the front door with the details of their day are over．They are breaking away from you so that they will be able to stand on their own as a young adult．

　　Some parents feel sad about his loss of their children's closeness．Of course you miss those conversations and friendly talks．Once your children move out after high school and establish themselves confidently as a young adult, they will come back for easy conversations and even ask for advice．But in order to determine who they are right now, they need to separate from you．

　　Your job, however, is to keep them safe－and that requires knowing where they are and who they are with．Let them know clearly that it's not because you want to dominate(支配)their life and control them; it's because it's a safety issue for family members to keep track of one another．

　　When they are home and sit down to eat a meal, sit down with them．You need to open up to them about your life．Tell them of an interesting incident at the office, let them in on a family gossip(闲谈), discuss a piece of news with them．They are glad that you see them as old enough to be in on a few experiences of your life．By letting a teen in on your life, they just may let you in on theirs．

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　　Less than a month from graduation day, Theresa Casebeer of Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, had yet to find the right job．The career placement center referred her to JOBTRAK, an internet site listing 45, ooo positions．

　　Casebeer selected four keywords：Chicago, business, marketing and full-time．Immediately she found 45 jobs meeting her criteria(标准), including one as an assistant to an administrator at the university of Chicago's business school．Four weeks later she was hired at a starting salary of ＄32,000．

　　“I had no training,”says Casebeer．“but the Internet was extremely easy to use．I'd never have known about this job without it．”

　　Casebeer is one American who clicked her way into a job．Steven Toole is another．

　　Toole came across an employment site named Career-Builder．He had just been promoted to director of marketing for a company and wasn't looking for a job．But curiously, he decided to “give it a try”．

　　Toole filled out a profile with the key words marketing manager and entered his electronic-mail address．Within a week his computer's mailbox was filling up with available positions．Two interviews later he jumped to a new job．”The Internet is like hiring a personal assistant,”says Toole．“Effortlessly you can become aware of opportunities that may promote you career．”

　　Most major newspapers and trade publications have online versions of their classified listings, enabling jobseekers to scan for work available across town, in another states or around the world．All 50 states, plus Washington, D．C, and Guam, have their local job banks available online, too．“The Internet is a wonderful place to explore, especially when combined with traditional job-search methods,”notes Richard Nelson, author of What Color Is Your parachute?

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　　Monkeys are very similar to us in many ways．Most have ten fingers and ten toes, and brains much like ours．In fact, Charles Darwin's theory of evolution says that monkey and humans share a common ancestor．We enjoy watching them because they often act like us, and we also love to use many expressions about monkeys in almost every language．This is why many monkey expressions are about tricky people or playful acts．

　　Monkeyshine is one of the expressions to show tricks or foolish acts．The meaning is clear if you have ever watched a group of monkeys playfully chasing each other：pulling tails, stealing food, doing tricks．

　　Monkeying around with something means that you do not know what you are doing．When you feel like doing something but have no firm idea of what to do, you are monkeying around．It is just a way to pass the time．

　　Monkey business usually means secret, maybe illegal activities．You may come across a new report that there is monkey business involved in building the new airport, with some officials getting secret payments from builders．

　　Monkey suits are common names for clothes or uniforms soldiers wear．In earlier years in many American cities, you would find men playing musical band organs on the street．Dancing to the music would be the man's small monkey that was dressed in a tight-fitting, colorful jacket similar to a military uniform．So, people began to call a military uniform a monkey suit．

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　　When asked to point out one or two things that are most important to themselves, many people put friends ahead of homes, jobs, clothes and cars．

　　A true friendship carries a long history of experience that determines who we are and keeps us connected．It is a treasure we should protect．Unfortunately, the better friends you are, the more probably you'll have disagreements．And the result can be what you don't want－an end to the relationship．

　　The good news is that most troubled friendships can be mended．First, don't let your pride get in your way．Most of us can forgive each other when differences are brought out in the open．Second, apologize when you're wrong－even if you've been wronged．Over the course of a friendship, even the best people make mistakes．Sometimes, it may be best if the wronged person takes the lead and apologizes．When you apologize, give your friend a chance to admit that he has been wrong．Third, see things from your friend's point of view．And finally, accept that friendships change as our needs and lifestyles change．Making friends can sometimes seem easy．The hard part is keeping the connections strong during the natural ups and downs that have an effect on all relationships．My suggestion：consider friendship an honor and a gift, and worth the effort to treasure and nurture(培养)．