误点点拨:①改为it’s convenient for them, convenient的主语不可为人. ②them改为themselves. ③改为for example.注意后面应加上逗号.such as后面不能接句子. 画龙点睛:文章的第一段由于数据的堆砌使得句式单调.如40% have QQs.可改为the rate doubled.可将In 2006, about 50% of them owned QQs, and in 2007, 60% of them had QQs. 整合为一句.Likewise, it rose from about 50% in 2006 to 60% in 2007. 这样修改使句子更加简洁.避免了重复. [范文] As is shown in the chart, the rate of students who owned QQs increased in the past four years from 2004 to 2007. Back in 2004, only 20% of them have QQs; one year later, the rate becomes twice larger; compared with about 50% in 2006, the rate in 2007 rose to 60%. Clearly, it is tending to increase. In my opinion, the increase can be accounted for two factors. For one thing, the widespread use of the Internet makes it convenient for students to communicate with each other. For another, QQ provides all kinds of entertainments, such as playing games and enjoying music. What’s more, QQ has gradually become the main means for the public to know the latest news. Personally, students should make proper use of and not be addicted to QQ, and only so can it serve its purpose beautifully. [即学即练] 【查看更多】
